Normal (but weird) Things Parents Say…

 

When I became a mom I was just so ecstatic. I was so happy to tell my little girls “I love you”. I wanted to tell them they were beautiful, perfect, and the center of my world. It’s basically every mother’s dream to say these things and we do say them, for about a little over a year. See you say these things to your “baby”, but babies grow.

Your “baby”, will become a tiny terrorist toddler, your toddler becomes a rambunctious midget child, and your child becomes a know it-all back talking teen  pre-teen/teen. It is when you exit the beautiful “baby” age, that you’ll find yourself speaking the unthinkable. You will say things to your kids that you’ve never said to anyone else. I mean you could say these things, but they’d probably lock you up in a straight-jacket (which sometimes might sound like a much needed break)!

I present to you, things I regularly say to my kids, that I’d never say to anyone else:

  • Did you poopy in your pants?
  • My sweater is not a napkin, please quit using it to clean your face.
  • Did you wipe your butt?
  • I didn’t eat the ice cream, the freezer door was left open… It melted!
  • Stop licking the dog.
  • Get your hands out of your butt crack.
  • Do NOT threaten to throw your sister off there, it isn’t funny.
  • No way are you leaving the house in that, put on some clothes.
  • Come here, let me smell you.
  • Do not try your finger in there, it will electrocute you.
  • No, you can’t have another Popsicle, you’ve already had 3.
  • You need to brush your teeth.
  • How many times do I need to tell you, to wear socks with shoes?
  • No, all the fun places are closed today.
  • It’s 25 degrees out, you’re not wearing shorts.
  • Don’t you dare get hurt, I do not have time to go to the ER today.
  • Yes, you’re crab is fine, he’s just taking a really long nap.
  • Do you need to pee? Go to the bathroom, for Christ sake, I can tell you need too.
  • How do you lose 5 jackets in 2 months?
  • Go take a shower, you don’t want to be the smelly kid, do you?
  • What are you doing, we don’t eat leaves.
  • Yes, I know I’ve been in here for 15 minutes, I’m still going pee.
  • I don’t know what happened to your candy, I guess the dog ate it.
  • I called McDonald’s, they are out of chicken nuggets and the ice cream machine is broke.
  • I know you had pizza for lunch, but we’re having it for dinner too!
  • If you miss the bus, I will not drive you.
  • What do you mean the tooth fairy didn’t leave money? Let me see. We need to get your eyes checked, go look again!
  • I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them… I don’t know why there is a National go to bed early day, once a week.
  • I’ll take that door off the hinges, if you slam it again.
  • Mommy didn’t eat the cookies, they fell on the ground and got dirty, and I had to throw them away.
  • No, you can’t try and make your sister fly, by tying her to balloons.

 

These are just a few of the things I’ve said as a parent. Sometimes I say things and immediately shake my head, at what I actually spoke. I love my kids, but they’ve definitely brought out a completely new person in me! I say things that make me wonder if I should be in a straight-jacket, like really. Am I the only parent completely shocked by what I have to say to my kids? Please tell me I’m not alone, what’s some things you say to your kids, that you never imagines you’d say?! You don’t understand, I really need y’all to confirm I’ve not completely lost my damn mind!!!

 

XO,

Amanda- The Not So Normal Mommy

.

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