I’m Not a Good Mom and You Don’t Have to Be Either.

I’m not a good mom and somehow I’m okay with that. For years, all I wanted to be was a good mom. Every single day, pushing myself to do more, to be more, normal never being good enough, good was the only option. I always had the nagging thought, that if I wasn’t perfect, I wasn’t enough.

I told myself that being a perfect mom, and a perfect wife, having a perfect house, was the only acceptable option. It exhausted me, it was mentally and physically draining. Why did I need be perfect, who am I trying to impress?  It got to the point, that even when I did everything “perfectly” I still felt I could do better. I gave up that thought process and the change has been pretty remarkable.

As moms we are only human and I think we forget that sometimes. We want to keep up with the Jones’s and be better than other moms. We compare and criticize ourselves, which only leaves us unimpressed by all that we do accomplish. Which makes us feel less than “good” and far from “perfect”. The day you stop striving for perfection from yourself, will be the day that your life changes for the better.

Instead tell yourself “Today, I’ll try to be a good mom”. A life with kids, is typically a life of chaos, things rarely go as planned. Oh, you forgot to sign little Jimmy’s report card, guess what so did 72 other parents. You overslept and don’t have time to pack a lunch for your kiddo, I’m almost certain no child has died from eating a school lunch, yours won’t either. You fed your kids Happy Meals for dinner, so did I, let’s go together next time! Maybe the kids have been arguing for 20 mins, the dog crapped in the living room (AGAIN), and the dishes are overflowing in the sink, and your husband just called and said he’ll be late…. So you lock yourself in the closet and sob on the floor. Sis you know, there’s about 5 million other women around the world, doing the exact same thing.

Stop beating yourself up, just stop it. You are the glue that keeps your home together, you DO enough, and you ARE enough. Moms are only human, we’re allowed to make mistakes, we’re entitled to mom melt downs, and no you’re not a super hero, so quit trying to wear the hat of one. Lower your expectations, take advantage of a break if you can get one, and don’t think you’re a bad mom, because you’re not. The fact is, the moms you’re comparing yourself to, are probably doing the same thing and comparing themselves to you. We’re all train-wrecks and that’s fine, we have a lot on our plates. But please quit setting unrealistic expectations of yourself, no one was created to be perfect, so why are you exhausting yourself and beating yourself up when you’re not?

Whatever you wake up expecting of yourself to do or get done, know about 25% won’t make your list. Life is busy, messy, and downright discouraging sometimes. Quit packing your days to the max, overbooking, and then getting mad at yourself when you can’t fit everything in. Slow down and just TRY to be a good mom.

Are your kids fed, are they loved, do they get hugs and kisses, snuggles and laughs? If you answered yes to these, you are a good mom, so just keep trying.

Remove the word “perfect” from your vocabulary, cause perfect, isn’t reality. The reality is, your kids are having chicken nuggets for dinner, so that you don’t have to clean up another mess from dinner. Reality is, your house is a disaster, but you went on a field trip with your child and just couldn’t fit in cleaning. Reality is you haven’t showered in two days, but your 5yo has the flu and that’s been your only priority. Reality is, you called grandma to take the baby for a couple hours, because you just need a break. Reality is, you took a nap while your toddler did instead of being productive, because you’re pregnant and exhausted, the laundry can wait till tomorrow. Speaking of laundry, you have hit the refluff button 12 times in 2 days, but you got the rest of your house clean. Don’t beat yourself up, the laundry just didn’t make the cut, this time.

The reality is, you’re not a good mom, but every day you try to be, and that’s what’s important. Be easy on yourself momma. Whatever you didn’t get done today, will be there tomorrow, and the day after that. If you weren’t a good mom today, shoot for it tomorrow!

 

XO,

An Occasional Good Mom.

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